


How To Save a Life

by itsluckyyou



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Awesome Michelle Jones, Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Irondad, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, POV Peter Parker, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has a Bad Day, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker has PTSD, Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Precious Peter Parker, Protective Happy Hogan, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie) Spoilers, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man), Worried Ned Leeds, Worried Pepper Potts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsluckyyou/pseuds/itsluckyyou
Summary: “He saw a lot at the battle- more than a 16 year old should see. It was – well, there was a lot of death – Iron… Tony included.”“I just think that maybe if you talk to him then-.”“I don’t – I barely even know the kid. That was always -.” He trailed off while closing his eyes tightly.“Tony’s area?” She finished for him, her eyes tearing up as she did so. When Bruce nodded, she whispered, “well he’s not here anymore to help me and I don’t know who to turn to.”-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Peter is in a downward spiral. No more spiderman. No more Tony. No more happiness. No hope.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & May Parker (Spider-Man), Bruce Banner & Peter Parker, Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Pepper Potts, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Flash Thompson, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 132
Collections: Peter Parker Stories, Spider-Man Public Identity Reveal





	How To Save a Life

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Peter Parker was not ready for the level of responsibility that had been thrust upon him and yet, here Bruce was, being called in to evaluate the teenager. If he was being honest, the only reason he agreed to meet with May Parker was because of the esteem that Tony had held her in. Incredibly strong and amazingly caring were the words he had used.

“He’s distant.” May explained, sipping her coffee carefully. Bruce was sure that she had not been expecting to see him in his… enhanced form. That’s what he decided to call it, although the tabloids tended to use other words. “And not in a _normal_ way.”

Bruce looked around her apartment. There wasn’t much to it; a kitchen, living room, and what he assumed to be 2 bedrooms and a bathroom, although he hadn’t received a tour to verify. He respected her for not accepting the thousands of dollars that Tony had probably offered her.

“Mrs. Parker… Can I call you May?” When May nodded, he continued. “He saw _a lot_ at the battle- more than a 16 year old should see. It was – well, there was a lot of death – Iron… Tony included.”

“Yes, but that was _before_.” She didn’t seem annoyed, but something about her tone changed from the lighthearted one she had used before. “Then he went on that school trip and-.”

“And he saw a lot there too.” Bruce finished for her. He wasn’t around for Peter’s adventures with Mysterio, although he had heard about them from who he had assumed was Fury, but now he couldn’t be sure. “Look, May, I’m no expert in psychology but I’m fairly confident that Peter is presenting very typical symptoms for a kid his age dealing with the trauma that he is dealing with.”

“I just think that maybe if you talk to him then-.”

“I’m not a trained professional.” Bruce tried lightly. He felt bad for her and couldn’t imagine the pain and fear she had to have been facing to even consider coming to him in the first place. “I don’t – I barely even know the kid. That was always -.” He trailed off while closing his eyes tightly.

“Tony’s area?” She finished for him, her eyes tearing up as she did so. When Bruce nodded, she whispered, “well he’s not here anymore to help me and I don’t know who to turn to.”

It was silent for a moment, each collecting their thoughts. Bruce wanted more than anything to help her out – to help Peter out – but at the end of the day, he _was not trained._ He knew – he _knew_ that Tony made a mistake inviting the kid into their lives, not because the kid wasn’t smart enough to handle it but because he was a _kid_.

“May, I’m sorry but-.”

May sighed as she interrupted him. “I know. I’m sorry I called you here in the first place.”

“If there was anything I could do-.”

“I know.” May finished her coffee before standing up with her cup. “Can I get you anymore coffee?”

“Oh no thank you.” Bruce smiled weakly before following her actions and standing up. “I actually have a lecture to get to.”

“Of course.”

Bruce followed May as she lead him to the door, only a few steps away. “Just – just be there for him in any way he’s willing to accept, okay?”

May nodded, unsatisfied but ever so polite. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.” Bruce offered as he exited the apartment into the hallway. He had to maneuver very delicately in order to ensure that nothing broke. _It’s lucky I’m not claustrophobic,_ he thought bitterly. “Keep me updated, yeah?”

May nodded with a small smile before closing the door behind him. She fought back tears as she came to the conclusion she was back where she started with too much worry to handle. Before, when she had found out that Peter was spidering around saving people, she had been frightened for him and concerned for his wellbeing. She had made _one_ promise to her brother-in-law and that was to keep Peter safe no matter what happened and knowing that he was out patrolling the dangerous streets of New York wasn’t exactly something she thought he had in mind.

But Tony had been in the picture at that point and he had _promised_ beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would do everything in his power to keep her nephew safe. And she believed him because who didn’t trust Tony Stark? Even those who didn’t approve of his tactics trusted him at the end of the day and she did too.

She listened as he explained the amount of time and effort he had put into the codes that went into Peter’s high tech suit. Everything seemed so _easy_. Anything that the AI found wrong would be reported to Tony. Naturally, her curious and headstrong nephew had altered the codes, but even then Tony had been there and he had been even more strict than she had which only reassured her that he meant what he said when he said he’d protect Peter.

But now Tony was gone and there was nobody on the other end of those calls… or at least she didn’t have the same level of trust with that person as she did with Tony. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. It was almost time for Peter to be getting home from school and she had to pull herself together. She let the thought slip from her mind. He didn’t seem to be patrolling much anymore anyway.

She knew one thing; seeing her fall apart would help _nobody_.

Only Peter had cut 8th period and climbed in through his window an hour ago, bearing witness to the whole interaction. At first when he had heard May greet Bruce Banner, he had been through the roof ecstatic, but like all of the more pleasant feelings he experienced these days, it was fleeting and replaced instantly with guilt.

He was worrying May. She was crying and it was _his_ fault.

His fault. His fault. _His fault._

He wanted to make it right but he didn’t know how. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities to just ask, but every time he tried to talk, he stopped himself. Being honest only seemed to make matters worse. Sighing, he threw his backpack back over his shoulders and made his way to the window to climb down and walk back up the stairs to make it look like he was just now getting home from school. With one foot dangling over his window sill, his phone started to ring.

“ _Shi-._ Who is even-?” Peter stammered out, frantically reaching into his pocket to silence his phone but the effort was in vain. May was already standing in his doorway, her face inquisitive. Sad though. Still sad. “I uh… hi.”

“Coming in through the windows now?” She asked with a smile, successfully hiding any negative emotion from her. He wished he could do the same for her.

Grabbing on to the lifeline she had just provided him, he nodded. “Didn’t feel like walking up the stairs. Lot of…. lot of steps.”

May nodded and Peter could tell she was unsatisfied. He wondered if there was anything he could do to satisfy her again. The effort seemed like a lot and he was just exhausted all of the time despite if he slept all night or not.

“I… I have homework… a uh, a project that is due soon.” Peter mumbled, feeling judged and embarrassed by May’s stare.

May nodded. “Okay, be ready for dinner at 7, okay?”

Peter nodded his head as he climbed fully into his room before reaching into his pocket to check his phone, if for nothing else to see who had called. Ned. Again. He shook his head and walked towards his door to shut it.

Looking at his bookbag, which contained the 3 weeks worth of homework he was currently behind on, he shook his head and moved towards his bed. 4 hours until dinner was the perfect amount of time for a nap. Sleeping was the one thing he was able to do correctly.

Sighing as his head hit the pillow, he fell into a comfortable dreamless sleep, just the way he liked it.

XXX

MJ was the first person to approach him about his grades, citing reasons for concern involving only scholastic decathlon. She’d seemed mad, almost inconvenienced by his inability to turn in homework assignments or focus long enough to write anything beyond his name on exams. He’d made some lame excuse and reassured her that she could count on him to get his grades up.

That was 4 weeks ago.

So, when she approached him in a huff on Monday morning, following a weekend in which he had laid around and watched stupid youtube videos the whole time, he winced.

“Hey MJ.” He muttered, pulling his calculus textbook out of his locker. He wasn’t sure who he was kidding, himself or MJ. The book hadn’t been opened for weeks and his attention during class was spent thinking about the best way to make eggs and wondering if caterpillars knew the reason why they spent their whole lives building a cocoon. “How’s it-?”

“Drop the act, Parker.” She snapped, clutching the straps of her backpack tightly. She rocked on her heels, back and forth and back and forth and-. “What’s going on with you?”

Peter rolled his eyes as he licked his lips. He could see Ned approaching them slowly; apprehensive with each step he took. “I’m fine.”

Peter looked back towards Michelle, who was standing there ready to fight, as she always was. He felt himself suddenly get angry, warmth rushing to his cheeks. If the binding of the book had a voice, it’d be screaming at him to show mercy. To stop the pain. To let go. Peter bit the inside of his cheek as he felt a rush of memories he’d pushed to the back of his mind, filed away for a time far into the future when he was willing to sort through them.

“Peter-.” MJ said softly, reaching out. Peter flinched and backed away, suddenly aware of how blurry his vision had gotten. As he blinked, he felt the warm rush of water fall down his cheeks. Aggressively, he wiped the tears away and slammed his locker shut.

“I’m fine, MJ.” He spat, solidifying his disapproval with a shake of his head. “Just leave me alone.”

As he turned around, he noticed Flash Thompson standing behind him, a look of sympathy on the boy’s face and _fuck_ \- did that piss him off. Flash wasn’t even in his way, but Peter approached him anyway, his eyes seeing red. “You got a problem, Flash?”

“No, Peter.” Flash mumbled in response. His eyes were wide and soft, the clear sign of sympathy and pity. “We-we just want you back on the team.”

Peter laughed harshly, but he was unable to find anymore anger within him to yell or to fight. How had it gotten to this point – to the point where Flash Thompson feels _sorry_ for him? To the point where Michelle Jones has the emotional intelligence to figure out something is wrong? To the point where Ned is too afraid to approach him in the halls?

Looking up, he noticed that the hall was completely silent and everyone around was staring at them. Peter suddenly felt very closed in and his breath hitched. Without another word, he pushed Flash as hard as Peter Parker’s ability allowed, too tired to use Spiderman’s strength, even if called for, and breezed past his classmates to the front door. He heard a secretary calling for him to return, as it wasn’t even 1st period yet, but he pushed onward, tossing his calculus book to the ground at some point.

Peter wasn’t sure where exactly he was heading, but he did know that every corner he turned held another memory about the life he once had. For a while in between the plane incident and space, Peter would walk to Stark Tower and work with Tony in the basement lab, which was still operational. Other times, he’d exit the school to see Happy waiting to drive him to the compound. The streets were littered with memories of that excitement, bouncing around happily in the back seat while Happy found new ways to evade traffic and the occasional paparazzi who recognized the car. The streets had lost their excitement and Peter couldn’t help but notice the dirt and grime.

He reached one of the bridges in plenty of time and stopped for a few seconds wondering the best way to proceed. His gut had told him to turn around and find his way back to Queens, forming some sort of apology for May on the way, but his gut had been incredibly wrong in the past. Pretty much every gut feeling he had had led him to this feeling of complete despair.

So, instead of giving in, he turned to his right, spotted a vacant bike in a random person’s yard, hopped on and continued his venture outside of the city. As he pedaled, he wondered if May had been called yet, if anybody had even had bothered to care that he left in the first place.

After about an hour of riding, Peter turned onto a somewhat familiar dirt path, though he couldn’t name the reason he had come here. He could hear the sound of the lake just barely over the sound of his tires against the gravel. There was a small cabin in the distance and Peter could just make out an expensive, but practical, looking SUV in the driveway. If he strained, he could hear the sound of a little girl giggling inside. The sound made Peter nauseas.

When Tony died, Pepper had given Peter some of his journals, stating that Peter was one of the only people who would understand and appreciate Tony’s rambling. The first of the journals were half solved math problems and theories Tony had about Thanos and space. Most theories went unsolved and unproven. On the last page of the very first journal were the words _Pepper is pregnant?!?!?_

Peter had laughed through the tears as he shut the notebook and pulled out the next one. There was no more talk about time travel or theories about the ring in which Tony proposed were the souls of those who disappeared in the snap. Instead, there were ramblings about small moments turned into memories – a night in which Morgan wouldn’t stop crying, the first time Tony was in charge of Morgan by himself, the melodic song of morgan’s laugh, the piercing screams that haunted him after she took her first major tumble – everything was there, in Tony’s writing, waiting to be read to her by her father on important anniversaries, like her high school graduation and wedding day. Embarrassing little memories ripped out of the cosmos and discarded, to be read by only Peter.

There were mentions of Peter in there too. These were surrounding by bad energy – Tony waking up in the middle of the night, seeing Peter’s face, hearing Peter’s screams of pain. A feeling of failure – of guilt. Peter imagined the way Tony was feeling in the five years prior to the second snap, was similar to the way Peter was forced to feel the rest of his life.

In a way, Peter was angry at Tony. For every moment in that small period of time that Tony felt a guilt too powerful to get out of bed in the morning, was cast onto Peter to survive through tenfold. Tears burned his eyes as he hopped off of his bike and sat next to a large tree, looking towards the house. Every so often, Pepper would walk by a window, her phone pressed to her ear. She looked concerned and Peter wondered how Stark Industries was running after the death of the infamous Tony Stark. 

His head was starting to ache and his eyes were getting heavy. It wasn’t late in the day, but he didn’t take his phone out to check. Morgan exited the house, disregarding the way the storm door slammed shut behind her, her brunette hair flying behind her wildly as she erupted in a fit of giggles. About once every two weeks, Peter received a letter in the mail from Morgan, comfortably addressed “to my half brother”. Peter wondered why the letters never stopped since he had never written back.

She looked blissfully unaware of the absence of the man who had risked his life for the universe. Peter knew that wasn’t true, but she carried a happiness about her that Peter longed to have and in a very selfish and immature way, resented her for. She got 5 full years of Tony Stark’s attention and love, something that it took a while for Peter to admit he longed for.

He remembers the night he realized it:

_The rain was pouring down onto Peter as he walked aimlessly through the streets. It was a few months after Toomes and he and Tony had gotten pretty close. He was supposed to go to Stark Tower that day but Tony had cancelled last minute, stating he had a meeting he couldn’t miss at the compound. Peter didn’t care. He wanted to go to the cemetery anyway._

_The problem was, he never called May to tell her and she worried herself into a near panic. It wouldn’t have been such an issue, he realized in retrospect, had it not been the anniversary of Ben’s death, something he also hadn’t realized when he had woken up that morning. He had been so excited to work in the lab that he forgot. He forgot about Ben, the man who had raised him after the death of his parents and had risked his life to ensure Peter’s safety._

_It made Peter sick._

_So as he sat in that cemetery, he longed for Ben’s touch and wondered if that possibility was even that far-fetched. There were shape shifters and Gods now. Surely, someone could find a way to bring a person back to life. Peter shivered, clutching his soaked sweatshirt tighter._

_There was a sound of sloshing footsteps behind him and Peter remembers turning around frightened that he had been caught off guard, but when he turned around, he just saw an expensive suit under an umbrella. The face seemed sympathetic but unimpressed._

_“So this is where you go when you cut class.” The voice muttered, coming to a stop just a few steps away from where Peter was sitting. “Hardly seems that lively of a place.”_

_Peter snorted, wiping his eyes and nose with the sleeves of his soaked sweatshirt. “G-good one Mr. Stark.”_

_“C’mon, let’s get into the car and grab something to eat.” Peter whimpered in response, embarrassed but ultimately unsure if his mentor had even heard him. “I’m thinking greasy burgers. You know, the kind that Pepper hardly ever lets me eat.”_

_“Y-y-you should l-lis-sten to Ms. Potts.” Peter managed, cursing himself for allowing himself to get this cold. Why didn’t he bring his coat. It was November, after all._

_Tony frowned. “And have the likes of you accuse me of being whipped? No thank you.”_

_“N-nobody-y says-s that a-a-anymore.”_

_“C’mon kid, let’s get you warmed up.”_

_Peter obliged and followed the man to a parked car. The backseat windows were tinted to the point where you could not see in at all, leaving the driver’s side windows transparent in comparison. Peter allowed himself to be shooed inside, where he saw Happy through the rearview mirror, smiling at Peter’s reflection. He wasn’t sure if he smiled back or not, but either way, Happy turned the ignition and asked Tony where they were headed._

_“Anywhere. Outside of the city.” was Tony’s response. Peter slumped in his seat, shivering slightly as he did so. He was about to close his eyes when a piece of cloth came in contact with his head. “There’s a dishcloth. Had I known you planned on showering outside, I would have brought a normal size towel.”_

_“S’alright.” Peter replied, rolling his eyes when another piece of cloth was thrown at him – this one a sweatshirt with the letters MIT embroidered on. “I’m fine.”_

_“I don’t care.” Tony had replied._

_A few minutes later, found Peter somewhat warmer, his wet T-shirt and pants discarded on the floor, replaced with what Tony called his_ Emergency Adventure Clothes, _EAC for short. Pronounced “EEEK”. He rested his head on the window and watched people walking around, completely unaware of the tragedy that had occurred here 3 years prior._

_“Hey,” Tony murmured, taking the time to shut the window between the driver’s seat and the back of the car. “You never told me that today was Ben’s… death anniversary? Day of Ben’s death? Day that-.”_

_“I forgot.” Peter whispered, closing his eyes in order to prevent tears from forming. He’d hoped that this car ride would be a distraction. “I forgot until 7 th period when Mr. Rogers, the HomeEc teacher who knew Ben mentioned it.” _

_Tony hummed in response._

_“And I know that’s fucked up and I’m the worst nephew ever and – and – and -.” Peter was cut off by the sound of his own cries. Warmth flooded his face as embarrassment set in, his hands quickly finding his face in an attempt to hide. Another warm feeling engulfed him and it took him a second to realize that Tony had his arms wrapped around him. “I’m the worst.”_

_“You’re not the worst.” Tony soothed, over and over for as long as Peter had needed him too, never once sounding irritated or letting Peter go. Peter was unsure for how long he had cried, but by the time he was ready to pull away, he noticed that they had parked at an overlook of the city. He sniffled and turned away embarrassed._

_Tony had done the same, but seemed to think better of it after a few seconds. “Pete, listen to me. From what I’ve heard about Ben, there’s nothing he’d want more in the world than for you to be happy. I’m not saying that the goal is to forget him. But the goal should be to let yourself live.”_

_Peter nodded his head as he wiped his eyes, no longer feeling suffocated by guilt, but instead a warmth that he hadn’t experienced in a long time when he looked at Mr. Stark._

_“It’s going to be okay.”_

“Petey!” A voice rang out and Peter was forced to shake himself from the warm memory, wiping his eyes harshly as he did so. No matter the resentment or jealousy he felt towards the girl, seeing her run up to him brought a sincere smile to his face.

“Hey Morgan.” He chuckled, reaching out to pull him into a hug. As he stood up with her in his arms, he saw Pepper exiting the house and stepping onto the porch. She muttered something into the phone before holding her arms out. Peter walked over and gave her a hug, Morgan stuck in the middle of them.

“Peter, would you like to stay for dinner?” Pepper asked nicely, though her eyes told Peter he was in some trouble.

Morgan looked up at him so hopefully that he couldn’t manage to say no. She squealed in delight and rushed off to the back yard screaming about a princess who needed Spiderman’s help. Pepper motioned for him to follow Morgan to the backyard. “We’ll talk a little later, yeah?”

Playing with Morgan was exhausting and Peter wondered how Tony had ever kept up. In no time, dinner was being served: spaghetti and meatballs, which was served every Monday night and had been since Tony was around. Apparently one Monday years ago, around the time Morgan was 2, Tony had promised to make the most delicious dinner ever. Sushi, he had said. Chicken Cordon Bleu, he had promised. Instead, due to a night full of nightmares followed by a day full of meetings and phone calls, Tony found himself with nothing to make but instant pasta. Pepper couldn’t even be mad when she walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the counter that read: “Taking a nap. Pasta is ready.”

Thus began a tradition.

“So Peter, how’s school going?” Pepper asked as she prepared a plate for Morgan. Something about her tone told Peter she was already aware of how it was going. After the funeral, Pepper and May had exchanged phone numbers and emails. Apparently they talked far more than either thought they were going to.

Peter coughed before taking a sip of water. “Not great.”

“My daddy said you’re a genius.” Morgan offered as she pushed her broccoli off of her plate and onto the table with her fork. Pepper reached over and put it back on the plate, sending a stern look Morgan’s way. “And brave.”

Peter chuckled uncomfortably, shifting in his chair slightly. When he looked up, he noticed Pepper looking at him thoughtfully. The intensity of the gaze made him uncomfortable, like he’d disappointed her, so he looked down and grabbed a piece of broccoli. Dramatically, he put it into his mouth and exclaimed about how tasty it was. Morgan started to eat her broccoli.

“Have you thought any more about college?” Pepper pressed, feigning innocence as she put some spaghetti into her mouth.

“No.”

A few moments of silence passed.

“I haven’t seen Spiderman in the news lately.”

Peter put his fork on the table quickly, suddenly feeling backed into a corner, the reason of which he couldn’t pinpoint. He stood up abruptly and asked to use the bathroom. Pepper seemed taken aback but pointed him in the right direction scolding Morgan as she offered the explanation of a “surprise poop”.

When he got to the bathroom, he turned the tap on and splashed cold water into his face. His breathing picked up and he clutched the sides of the sink and closed his eyes forcefully. He practiced the breathing exercises Ned had sent him a little bit ago, that he had yet to thank him for. When his breathing was under control he slid down to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. He didn’t look up when he heard a knock at the door, followed shortly by the sound of the door being pushed open.

“Peter,” she murmured softly, sliding down to sit next to him, with a considerable amount of effort as she was wearing heels, “you can’t keep this up. This- this lack of effort and willingness to talk to anybody isn’t sustainable. ”

Peter sniffed with a nod but didn’t dare lift his head from where it was burrowed in his arms. “I know. I don’t- I don’t know how to stop. I can – it’s like I am watching myself making these decisions and I know I shouldn’t and I tell myself not to but I do it anyway.”

“There’s nobody in this world that wants to help you more than me – well, maybe May.” Pepper wrapped her arms around him, pulling him so he was now leaning against her with his head on her shoulder. “And I heard Happy making some questionable threats to Strange.”

Peter snorted followed by a sniffle. “I’m sure that went well.”

“Happy won’t be holding the time stone any time soon, that’s for sure.” Pepper replied with a small chuckle. “Peter, the only one you can help you out of this hole is you.”

“I feel like I’m drowning – like at this point no matter what I do, I’m not going to ever be able to breathe again.” He whimpered, feeling another onslaught of tears come. “I’ve ruined my chances at MIT.”

Pepper rubbed his arms up and down until he was able to calm down again enough to pay attention. “You’re not going to know if you don’t try. You’re not a quitter, Pete.”

Peter sniffled and remained leaning against Pepper for some time. It wasn’t until she fidgeted slightly, probably due to discomfort that he forced himself into an upright position. He turned to look at her, offering a small smile when she turned to look at him. She reached over and wiped his cheeks, clearing any evidence of tears.

Peter stood up, careful not to catch sight of himself in the mirror. He turned and offered his hands out in order to help her stand, which she happily accepted. When they were both in a standing position, she put her hands on his shoulder and said, “He’d be really proud of you, Peter. We’re all really proud of you.”

“I have um.. I have trouble sleeping. Nightmares. I have nightmares. A lot.”

“Tony did too.” Pepper offered, pulling him into a hug. “It helped Tony a lot to talk about them. To Rhodey mostly, but sometimes to me.”

“I miss him.” He whispered, his eyes watering once more.

Pepper smiled small and nodded her head before taking a deep breath and saying, “Me too, kid.”

“I stole a bike.”

“Okay well…” Pepper smiled as she watched Peter’s face contort into horror. “I’m sure you can bring it back tomorrow.”

They left the bathroom and Happy arrived to drive Peter home, a little bothered by the fact that he had to find some way to return a bike from a stolen kid without getting harassed in the process. Peter thanked Happy when they’d arrived before climbing the steps up to his apartment.

May was sitting on the couch, flipping through a tabloid magazine when he arrived, clearly not paying attention to any of its contents. “Skipping school altogether now, are we? First your guidance counselors call to tell me that you’re _failing_ all of your classes and now we’re just not going at all? _Peter,_ I’ve _had it_ up to-.”

“I’m sorry, May.” Peter blurted as tears fell from his eyes and _God,_ he thought he cried everything out at the lake house. “I’m messed up. I can’t- my thoughts – I can’t focus. Th-they – I don’t know I thought I had everything under control but I didn’t and then – and then London happened and I – I just -.”

May put the tabloid down and pulled Peter into a tight hug, Peter immediately feeling a release of emotions as she did so. Everything that he had been bottling inside escaped and he found himself barely able to stand as he sobbed into her shirt.

“I don’t- I don’t know what – what to do.” He sobbed, clinging onto her with everything he had. “How do – I don’t know how – How am I supposed to fix it? I need- I need help.”

Peter sobbed for what felt like hours before he found himself getting incredibly tired. May led him to the couch where she sat down with him next to her. She motioned for him to put his head in her lap and he sleepily obliged.

“I have nightmares.”

“Sh.” May soothed while running her fingers through his hair. Try as he might, mostly to spare her of having to deal with him when the nightmares came, he couldn’t keep his eyes open and pretty quickly fell asleep.

Peter wasn’t sure if there were any nightmares that night. He definitely didn’t wake up from one. In fact, he didn’t wake up until noon the next day. Realizing that it was a Tuesday and a school day, he bolted up and raced to the bathroom to brush his teeth. After all of that talk about fixing everything, he still couldn’t manage to wake up on time. He was such a fuck up.

“I called the school already.” May mentioned, watching as he instantly relaxed. “You should still shower. You smell and we have an appointment with your guidance counselor in an hour and a half.”

Peter let out a sigh of relief before rushing to take a quick shower. When he saw his reflection, he almost didn’t recognize himself. His eyes were red and swollen and he looked a little skinnier than normal. Had he been eating appropriately? He couldn’t remember. His hair was haphazardly tossed around his head as if he’d spent the whole night scratching it.

When he was finished showering, an activity that he still managed to feel joy in, he pulled on a pair of jeans and an old MIT sweatshirt that Tony had let him borrow all that time ago back in the rain. He brushed his teeth and exited the bathroom, sitting down with a plate of toast in front of him.

“Hurry up. We have a lot to do today.”

“I thought we just had the guidance counselor.” Peter said, mouth full of toast. He offered a sheepish apology when May turned to give him a pointed glare for talking with food in his mouth.

May nodded her head and sat across from him. “We have the guidance counselor _first_ to see what our options are with your grades. _Then_ we have a preliminary screening for a therapist at the compound and Peter, before you object, I really think that-.”

“Thank you, May.” Peter smiled, this time making to swallow his food before he spoke.

X X X

Peter returned to school three days later after having spent some time trying to catch up on all of his homework. Most of his teachers, having no reason to consider a correlation to Peter’s breakdown with the death of Tony Stark, allowed him to turn in homework, but not for full credit. The most he’d get was a 50% on each, but it was still better than a 0 and Peter was grateful. In terms of the test, all of his teachers agreed to allow him to retake any test from the last month and a half within a week of his return.

Which is why he found himself heading to his calculus teacher’s room during his lunch. He’d eaten a large breakfast to prepare for this and had brought a few small snacks to eat between classes.

“Peter.” He heard someone call and he turned to see MJ quickly approaching him. “I’ve been worried about you.”

MJ seemed to understand the urgency of his time and had no problem walking with him instead of stopping to talk to him in the hallway. He turned to her and shot her an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I know I owe some answers and I do- I do like you a lot. That was pretty much the one clear thing throughout the whole trip.”

“It’s okay.” She said stoically but Peter noticed the small smile creep on her face. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“May-Maybe when I finish catching up on homework, we could hang out?” Peter asked, stopping when they reached the calculus room. “I could swing you around town.”

MJ chuckled. “Get in there loser.”

Peter took that as a yes, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. Without another word, he turned around and entered the math room with all of the confidence in the world.

X X X

Two and a half weeks later, Peter felt somewhat normal. Every Monday, he went to the lake house for dinner - without stealing a bike to get there. His grades weren’t the greatest but they were still relatively acceptable. He’d submitted his application for early admission to MIT, submitting with it kick-ass recommendation letters from none other than THE Pepper Potts and Bruce Banner.

He felt good, really good. Which is why he found himself swinging over to MJ’s apartment to pick her up for their first swing. Their first ride? Their first- whatever. It didn’t matter because Peter was happy and Peter had MJ.

“Hey dork.”

“You ready?” He asked, motioning for her to latch onto him. “Don’t let go.”

“Obviou-.” MJ started but she was cut off by her screams of terror as Peter launched them into the New York skyline. Peter laughed along, not bothered one bit by MJ’s screams, knowing that a part of her was _loving_ this.

“You can put me down now. You can put me down now.” MJ urged and Peter obliged, landing in the middle of a busy crosswalk.

As he was setting her down, he asked, “You okay?”

When she finally managed to let go and take a step back, Peter smiled. Her hair was all over the place seemingly beyond repair and she looked a little more pale and scared than usual, but Peter still thought she was beautiful. “Uh – Ooh, yeah yeah… I’m okay. It’s just – never doing that again. I’m never doing that again.”

“Okay!” Peter agreed, though to say he was disappointed that she didn’t like swinging as much as he did. Not for everybody though, he figured. “Well I should probably get out of here.”

“Be safe,” Michelle added, with a small uncomfortable laugh.

“See ya later.” He said before jumping up onto a light post. He looked down at her with a large smile on his face. Two weeks ago, in the midst of everything falling apart around him, he never would have expected MJ to still want to be in his life, and yet here she was. His girlfriend. The word girlfriend was enough to erupt his stomach in a fit of butterflies.

 _“_ This is breaking news _”._ A screen behind him declared. “We come to you now with revelations from last weeks’ attack in London. An anonymous source _” -_ Peter turned to the screen to see a smug-looking reporter looking into the camera.

The people on the ground hushed, or so Peter assumed.

“-provided this video. It shows Quentin Beck, aka Mysterio moments before his death. A warning. You may find this video disturbing. _”_

Peter swallowed a large lump in his throat as he waited to see what video could have been uncovered from that day. Beck’s face covered the screen, his image sending a chill down Peter’s spine. Flashbacks to that day caused Peter’s skin to become cold and he shivered despite himself.

“I managed to send the elemental back through the dimensional rift but I don’t think I’m going to make it off this bridge alive.”

His words were rushed and penetrated through Peter’s consciousness like the train that had collided with him months ago. He felt woozy and unsure of his footing – like he had the day in Germany when Beck had gotten into his head. How was he _still_ getting into his head? Peter made a mental note to bring it up in therapy.

“Spiderman’s attacked me for some reason. He-He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology.”

The sound of Tony’s name coming out of Beck’s mouth caused the blood inside him to boil, but the surprise of the accusation was too much for Peter to lash out angrily. Here he was, sitting on a streetlamp in the middle of NYC, an open target and the world was being convinced by a _dead_ guy, who Peter didn’t even technically kill, that Spiderman was a bad guy.

Pepper was going to have a field day doing press for this one.

“He says he’s the only one who is going to be the next Iron Man. No one else.”

Peter almost laughed in spite of himself, but still turned to MJ as he remembered that she was still there. She looked at him, confused and concerned. Peter turned back around to see that the image on the screen had changed and now showed Peter standing over Quentin’s near-lifeless body. There was smoke and debris surrounding them.

“ _Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack?_ ” Edith’s voice rang. “ _There will be significant casualties_.”

“Do it.” Peter’s voice came out, sounding exhausted but on edge. Peter’s gut dropped at the near perfect doctoring of the recording. There was no way that anybody was going to believe this, right? They could just release the actual recording. He hoped Pepper was getting it ready now. “Execute them all.”

Bullets sounded off in the distance of the video and Peter almost rolled his eyes at the dramatics. People had to have known that didn’t happen. There were eyewitnesses…. weren’t there? Or were people already evacuated?

“The shocking video was released earlier today on the controversial news site, The Daily Bugle.net” _Of fucking course it was._

“There you have it folks.” An excited J. Jonah Jameson announced, taking his glasses off. “Conclusive proof that Spiderman was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio, an inter-dimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet and who will no doubt go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time!”

Peter couldn’t breathe. His face flushed underneath of his mask out of anger or embarrassment or fear, he wasn’t sure.

“But that’s not all folks,” Jameson continued, as he looked into the camera. “Here’s the real blockbuster. Brace yourself, you may want to sit down.”

Beck’s face reclaimed the screen, this time a little closer to the camera and looking a little more frantic. “Spiderman’s real n- Spiderman’s real name is-“ The camera kept going in and out and Peter hoped – no _prayed_ that that was the end of the tape. “Spiderman’s name is Peter Parker.”

The photo from his last high school yearbook, which he didn’t particularly enjoy seeing in it’s normal small frame, covered the screen. His eyes felt like they grew three sizes larger. He put his hands to his head and -.

“ _What the fu-.”_


End file.
